Week Three Intro  

Not yet restless. Not well rested. The last time the volume turned all the way down on this trick it caused vertigo. But to be fair anytime I lose a lot of quality sleep I have dizzy spells. Again, truth be told if the volume were up, I would probably have yelling in my head about needing to do or not doing something. Last night the insinuation was that I had changed plans on laundry and even though the laundry mat was closed, and I could not get it done I had to suffer the consequences. Said consequences was wired sleeplessness. However, I also have had a lot of histamine filled foods and have been experiencing symptoms of a mass cell release. Is it ever going to be just one thing? Maybe, the physical evidence is the truth, and the yelling is judgment on their perceived ideas on why I am suffering. Either way I am exhausted. I hate having inner ear trouble. I hate it more that it can be caused without my consent by the supernatural. I will leave that there other than to say the feeling of a popping in your ear followed by what feels like the aftermath of being smacked in the back of the head is stomach dropping and extremely frustrating due to the knowledge when I go to lay down that lose crystal will be causing havoc on my inner ear.  

Even now the voice is yelling at me. Then arguing how they are not yelling. 2018. You have yipped and taken free will since then at minimum. I am being kind. More research on the dark arts and the consequences of its use. Followed with more yelling, mocking, and strutting about how they are above the law. It is insanity. I was born into insanity.  

Anyways, I heard a song I want to share with you. 180 by Tyson Venegas, from his 2023 self-titled EP. The fifth track, 3rd is not too bad either. The whole EP had an exceptionally smooth and relaxing sound. The lyrics on 180 though are what got my attention. He talks about using his platform to express and share his ideas on politics and world change since he is not old enough to vote. Why wait to be involved in the change the world needs. Most importantly I think being the change the world needs by using your voice and not just dropping your choice of a change facilitator into a voting box. There are six total tracks on the EP. Worth checking out especially if you are in a mellow music mood.  

This week’s new addition is joining a discord channel. My introduction was of course a poem. Writing is my go-to in situations that will allow me to use it as a way to express myself when I am not sure what or how to say something. It is always a comfort for me in situations that are awkward for me, (it is on the Poetry page). This of course led to the obvious idea that I have been avoiding. Other than the weekly updates worked in my over processed emotions typed here I do not write much. The excuse I have been using is I need a prompt to distract me from my stress and trauma being forced from my being. Which was the only reason I went to discord. I had thought about books too, but at some point, I know I will want a critic. That is when what has been in the back of my mind and the thing, I have been avoiding became unavoidable. Music. Music is what prompts me. I am reluctant. … 

That brought up a lot of feelings. Like my number one item to get once getting a place of my own was headphones and a piano. This fear kept coming up along with all the excuses that came with it. Like my song writing is over. Only a cistern and not a well. I said that back in the day when I succumbed to my own insecurities. Some say an empty pen with no ink and how they wish to fill me. Arrogance leaves this burning stench behind. To succumb is to give way of credit to another. That consequence is still following me and is filled with doubt. I wasted four months because of fear of failure and the need to constantly be prepared for it. Not the if it happens but when it happens. Due to the nature of my circumstances, I cannot argue with myself. I can only rationalize and accept it has happened.  

For Four Thousand Miles and Anyone for you (Tiger Lily) I must leave and yes Coffin finally hit. Thats all.  

September is when my lease ends. September is when I will be homeless again. Can you tell my hopes for a job are not there? *sigh* I am in between trying to rest from this atmosphere and trying in general. Vacation must be over.  

Can’t get scared, been there.  

Can’t be destroyed, been demolished.  

Restored. Visited but the thieves always come back.  

Come in Positivity… for the love of love…please:  

Quick search for some inspiration… 

Sharing is detrimental to the situation but a necessary process. Public not by choice. Therapy cost. Thank you for being at my place. Never to be seen and never heard, but forever present.  

Water, water, and more water. Remember physical health is a large part of staying mentally healthy. You cannot function off exhaustion. Healing takes rest. Remember to rest.  

I hope you have a wonderful week and that we move forward into light and help along with good graces and not more abusive behavior.