What day is it? 

I did not get to bed until around seven am this morning knowing I had to be up at twelve pm for a Monday phone appointment. I thought if I could just get a couple of hours sleep or at least lay down and rest my mind I would be doing great. However, I woke up confused. Somehow, I lost an entire day. (we must not talk about the underlying reason, at least not now). Fortunately, I got it back.  

I am the kind of person who has a way of always knowing what day it is without having to look at a calendar. I organize my clothes every laundry day and have them sorted for the week. I prefer a prepared grab and go outfit over taking time every day to see how I feel and what I think I might want to wear for the day. With this morning wardrobe routine removed due to not wearing my usual business casual apparel I lost a day. So, at twelve thirty pm this morning I was scrolling through my internet history, seeing that is where I am doing all my studying and work, worriedly figuring out what I did for the last four days. Somewhere around the seventh I thought it was time for it to be Friday and just threw Thursday out the window. I knew then I needed to be doing my blog post entry for Sunday’s release the next day, which in my mind would have been Friday. Instead, I immersed myself in all things discord, mental health, email, studying, setting appointments, doing taxes, writing a cover letter, and renewing business subscriptions. Six hours spent on IRS.com and eight on Quick books. I am not sure when exactly I slept. Somewhere around the time I was on irs.gov and QuickBooks is when the usual proof reading or just starting an entry is typically done. I guess was making up for the two and a half weeks I laid in bed getting quantity sleep trying for quality.  

I have had some extremely exciting things come up. Things I tend to forget because I get so focused on the bookkeeping certificate I have gained. I have some knowledge of accounting and that always gets put to the side due to the accounting functions and set goals/responsibilities being different than bookkeeping. Over the last few days, I have been looking at marketing pitches on social media and advertisements from online education. Researched the best offers based on program material they provided, the overall value of the product presented and the bottom-line cost. The goal being what is the best path to take now. I mostly have been looking at freelance copywriting, transcription and starting my own bookkeeping business. As usual, I had forgotten that a lot of the information about starting your own business can be found on IRS.gov for FREE. Shh do not tell anyone. I understand there are people who do not want to go looking for all the information and having someone bring it to you can save time. You may have missed the part where I went to school for my associate in accounting. I failed but still (to clarify, I only had time to get the certificate, I did not actually fail any classes). This is the kind of thing I know I get ‘that look for’. I am familiar with it and the ones who walk away from me after giving it. Okay. I understand why they do. Moving on. 

So, it is Sunday…how are you doing?  

On Wednesday I got out and ran errands and with a quick and seemingly impulsive move I did something I had been putting off. I had seen a hair studio not to long after arriving in twenty- twenty two and had researched their web site, did my usual anxiety exercises; practiced the request procedure of knowing what I wanted and what I would say and of course parking, sitting and familiarizing myself with the outside of the building, walking up to the door (then walking away while pushing down my fear) and emotionally preparing for the price. I had this kind of time when I was living out of my car. This past week I finally pulled in quickly, walked in the building, verified the on-line price, which ended up being less than what I had estimated, set a same day appointment and then awkwardly and anxiously walked out got in my car drove around the parking lot, parked in a different spot and waited about thirty minutes, while eating watermelon I had just bought and then as calmly as possible walked back in ten minutes before my appointment. We will not talk about the ‘crazy’ that happened while I was there…this time. (yes, I AM reading that statement and I thinking any new reader would be questioning what I call crazy, if you have been here awhile then you know, what I just told you was very mild)  

Why had I been avoiding this particular self-care routine? Well, again it goes back to my obsessive and negative mindset for staying prepared. I have been stuck in the fear-based approach to problem solving the future mishap of being homeless again due to loss of my job. I have not bought some typical housewares due to this same reason. Keeping my hair long and putting it up in a bun helped through the days of homelessness where I was not able to wash my hair every other day. Which is the norm since my hair is not simply fine but thin also and can get oily very quickly. My negativity about my situation kept me in the bun. It was time to eat that bun and my fear and just do it. Okay, you know I did not overcome the fear, I justified my decision while still thinking about the negative outcome.  

The Truth: I have six months to find something that will either be a steady income or be able to generate money to put away for upcoming expenses. It takes my hair about six to seven weeks to grow back to bun length.  

Positive action in times of negative thinking is the only way I know how to live. (Yes, you can read that in a dramatic tone, I will allow it) 

Forcing an uncomfortable and risky positive move in any direction is better than freezing or continuing to be unproductive. I have found it is in those situations just making any move forward can have a bit of a snowball effect. It was after that I came home and got so busy I lost a day. 

I am very tired and think I might try to take a nap…after I do some things around here. I do know the proof-reading errors today cannot be blamed on being homeless, nonetheless, I hope you have a good week, and I will try to do the same.