23 days to go – The distractions and worries

You know that feeling of accomplishment being defeated by an emergency that is out of your control; the one that affects the goals you had saved for?  

Today I heard for the second time that yes it was what they do, run you out of your money. Then I found the key I needed had been removed while the memory of Wednesday’s public overload that happened while having my backpack run through a backscatter scanner started running through my mind. I heard someone ask for the key in that <insert muffled sound like ‘that white box’ and referencing me as their wife> as I was being talked to about my phones and hearing someone else say to the person running the pack through that I did not come in with them and I came in alone. Of course, I am in a room full of people and this accessory/hat/screen attached to my person in some way causing an echo that in these situations makes it hard to know if some voices and sounds come from the room or not. Enough time did pass for the key to have been removed from the clasp but left in the box as a warning that if I went back to that building it would be taken reiterating the threat when I first got the key ring that the keys would be taken from me so I would have to pay for a rekeying of the box it belonged to. The fact that I would have to go back to that building was mentioned and the response was that it would be on me and that I would lose that key. Keep the key, do not go to the building. As you can see the key ring is not very easy to open. 

Usual tactics have been used the last two times I have pulled that key out. The tactics of getting my attention off the ring and my mind on the other things around me, resulting in forgetting the key is in my pocket, whereas I usually immediately put it back into to the box once in its presence. Could the ring have had pressure put on it during that time, sure. Could the two instances be an opportunity used as a set up to re-mention the loss of the key to be spoken of again to scare and intimidate me from continuing to go to the authorities, yes. Either way that key came off to send a threatening message. Another illegal threat.  

More threats come from outside my window. More illegal activity as the item that plagues me is played with against my will. The item forced upon me by people who believe it is okay to mark someone just because they do not like them. Others accept their actions in good faith that the person who placed the mark follows culture and did it as a warning to others. No, this person chooses to be selfish and uses the faithful to get what they want while telling me I will not be believed but they will. (the rest removed and will wait for another day) 

Divination. The foretelling of the future. The being made new. The changing of life to try to make things better. The butterfly effect. To have something you must give something. To get a life you give a life. The cost is equal to that which you purchase.  

The windows meet and I try several attempts to dodge, few know and fewer I am afraid do not trust. Get out before it is too dark and that is when the suffocation begins. To be cut off from that which you love. To have selfish and bitter people keep track so to make sure that love is no longer touched. Hatred. Due to jealousy, I am told. 

The last two days have been the quite that happens as seeds from a specific group get laid as I sleep. The pause and reflect needed to keep from certain lines being crossed. I am exhausted, I lay with my subconscious opened by sleep deprivation and hypervigilance. Brain washing and conditioning. One of the many things I keep being told, that it will never stop.  

“We will not stop.”  

As they are kind only to open me up and keep taking the opportunity to sow more seeds. They ware down. Constant harassment and stalking. It is like the image of the person tied to a chair while their eyes are forced open to watch the screen in front of them for days with no sleep, water, or food. Only I have no tangible binding, I have food and water, but their replacement fear and intimidation of a multitude of people mocking and threatening with only one place to go, seclusion.  

Seclusion, brain washing and bond making for success.  

Far too many long paragraphs and far too many broken thoughts.