A rough week – Alot to do and think about

So, logo posting that I had planned years ago equates crazy talk. Just too much progress this week. I look entirely too sane.

I did add an entry for content warning talking about my negative thinking. However, I am still working on things to post outside of the little personal journal/update area. With court, losing my job due to the person I am needing to go to court, and trying to find a new job while being an at-risk employee has me thinking and looking up ideas for content. You know me, hide, and avoid from things till you can think straight. Work on a new task while procrastinating on others.

At least I am doing something. The ‘check-in’ this last week had me remembering how the first two and a half weeks after becoming unemployed were spent sleeping and watching Netflix because even with the stress of no job it was the first ’emotional break’ I had had since around 2006. The last stopping point in what to do about my childhood and how to get away from my parents.

This week consisted of me trying to catch up on stuff that needed to be done. Trying to get out of depression and trying to fight the people harassing me using this hat/screen/accessory. I haven’t been feeling well beyond the mental issues either since I haven’t been able to properly take care of myself and the histamine intolerance. My laid-back attitude seems to have them thinking I have forgotten the abuse and that I have just accepted this as my life, and some seem to be thinking it is okay to continue to stay around. Like I am supposed to be okay with people in my space just because they aren’t currently tormenting me. The continues conditioning hasn’t stopped either.

A lot of rambling this week. I would venture to say you may not read or may just scan the material from here if you make it this far and I wouldn’t place blame or shame upon you. When my mind is in this negative space, I don’t expect anyone to hang around.

One thing I find in negativity is a reference point aka root of a problem. So many times, we manage the symptoms of something and do not find a solution for the actual problem because we do not look for its origin. I used to blame my sadness and depression on other things not related at all to the real roots of the problem. It was always something I was lacking or not doing right. And, well I guess what I wasn’t doing right was taking my subconscious health into account.

The subconscious mind problem being the unsolvable situation when dealing with people who use dark arts. Conform or die. You don’t do it we will force one or the other reaction. I wonder sometimes what would happen if they didn’t get their way. Some have said they all have one. One who takes their freewill and instead of having mercy on the one they are forced to do it too they take out their anger and lack of control out on the one they say they must control. So much energy is put into controlling others instead of finding solutions to their own problem of not having the control they are supposed to have, the control of themselves. Yet they have the belief they are always in control.

Food and water are still a big deal, especially with the types of food I was forced to buy. Of course, I must go all crazy with that statement and just go completely mental since I have made progress with stuff this last week. On top of that I am supposed to believe that the ideas were not my own when I have had them and been working on them for over twenty years and don’t talk about it for a reason. As I type I am aware of the person with me right now and how they approached me about my thinking. They are one of the ones who think that they know all context thought and everything should be in pictures or words, or you are hiding something. Damn right, I am. My business and my life. My business literately. I believe and support privacy and people’s rights to them. I haven’t committed a crime either, only forced out in the open illegally. Boundaries, these people don’t have them. While trying to edit, I was threatened that my teeth would be knocked out if I kept this paragraph here mentioning their abuse.

Psychopaths, who treat other humans as animals, androids, and dolls. They really don’t care about trying to find a healthy way to regulate their own emotions without the need to control others. They either haven’t been taken down yet and believe they can’t, or they are ‘textbook.’ Funny how when one doesn’t get their way this is where they take me in conversation. Pot calls the kettle black; it seems.

The belief I am an animal and not human is really being put forward right now. Ah, and a reminder that I am a whore. Those voices play back and while I am trying to just live my life. Again, voices that I grew up with that have been put in a hat/screen/accessory by someone who knows how to use ‘food for thought’ and ‘recordings’ to create these banned items that were sold overseas and not a schizophrenic episode.

I have heard several times that on the ground is where I am wanted. So low that there is no use in living. I have lived a life of suicide thoughts; this person doesn’t know me like they think they do nor the effects of my situation.

They don’t even have a reason to give as to why they are forcing me to a point of no return. They seem to think they have the authority over my life and how I am to be treated. I am not a human to them. I am a toy.

When it comes to death, I can’t help but think the feeling is mutual. I am to believe ending my own life is the only solution. When in fact removing them is also a solution.

When laws are broken you have taken things too far just to do a behavioral test on someone. You are no longer considered rational or reasonable. You are a criminal who is terrorizing others.

To them it is a game of breaking someone mentally to the point they prove they are better because they can’t be broken, they only break others. It is animalistic curiosity by instinctual nature. There is no guilt once their subject dies. Perhaps, only the belief that they learned something.

They can’t handle not knowing or understanding and refuse to accept this lack of knowledge and understanding doesn’t make them unintelligent. They have to attack in brute force to prove they are stronger, faster, and better than the opponent. No empathy.

It isn’t emotions, but empathy, which separates a true genius from a psychopath. It doesn’t take emotions to know right from wrong. We are taught what is right or wrong according to social standards. Remove a natural compacity of compassion, empathy or sympathy and there is no feeling that reinforces what we are taught is socially acceptable. Hurting someone to relieve a buildup of emotion that is causing stress is purely instinctual. Do that which makes you feel better. Relieve yourself at any cost so you can do what it takes to do the next task. No regret, no concern, no guilt. Just a calm understanding of how to relieve oneself and what it takes to get said relief.

Sometimes, I think they feel better just knowing someone understands them. Okay, not really but I do believe that is what they want me to think. As their prey, they need me to relax and have feelings and concern for their needs. I don’t. To me they are just another combination of the many different variations of what make up each individual. Special to DNA form not special to the human form. Special meaning just another different kind of being. To treat someone who has no empathy as if they need it to me isn’t safe or wise. They are just as much a threat to me as they seem to think I am to them. Still human, but I am never going to treat them as if they are empathic or in need of empathy. Like the boa that ‘hugs’ their owner or lays stretched out next to their side at night. This person’s only goal in the end is my death and they find joy and pleasure at seeing how I as an induvial respond to them. Squirming.

As the last few paragraphs repeat what I know about one particular person and how they provoke attention from me. See I haven’t been responding to the hat/screen/accessories so force feed, keep from sleeping and force written attention by threat of harm. Now the repeating process and the ‘crazy talk’ have been completed I can move on and go to bed.