Good morNing
Crisis can really mess up a routine. Most of my time this last week was focused on studies for furthering my knowledge and my career. Research. Positive, I knew what day it was.
Last week gave me an opportunity to really buckle down and start journaling every day. Being someone who likes to share and talk about the little things in life that shape who we are as humans and not being able to write down my thoughts and ideas, it can be hard to break the forced habit of just thinking on things and never really putting my thoughts into an action that can potentially help someone else in their time of need whether they need guidance or emotional support its import to know we are not alone in times of struggle or celebration.
There is something I need to share with you, and it is going to be difficult for me to do it. As you know having a network of people not just in your personal life, but your business life is vital. It is impossible to not connect with people at some point in the working experience. A negative support system can destroy a person, violence can destroy a person. The kind of network and support that helps us find our success needs to be a positive one.
I haven’t contacted anyone from my past since 2022. Since my last place of employment and every job before and since has had a connection with one if not all three of the abusers in my life. It will be difficult to get hired for a job. There are no references to confirm my level of performance. Yet, that is the smallest of all the problems ahead.
The bullying, harassment and intent to intimidate is real. It has come to the point where I am afraid that even if I found an on-site job there would just be more connections there, too. Even if there weren’t connections, the abusers would find out where I work, and they would continue with contacting them and continuing to do what they have been known to do which is discredit me by claiming I have a disability. The new people in my life will treat me differently and I will continue to be held back from reaching my full potential. If I don’t go running back, then my life will become even more difficult until I choose to end my life because I can’t live it without them. No one else will have me in their life. I’m too introverted, too independent, the dull co-worker and all around worthless. The only reason for there to be life in my body is because I want to live not because my life has a purpose. If my life does have purpose, it can only be because of them.
So, with no other place to go I started a GoFundMe account. I have what it takes to be independent and move on into my healing. I have no desire to go back to the abusive situation. What I don’t have are the people who can not only see me but see what I am capable of accomplishing. The donations would help me stay housed with home internet allowing me to work towards my financial goals. The link for this will be able to be found at the top of the page. Anything you can give would be appreciated.
If you don’t want to donate and receive only appreciation and a thank you, I understand. If you would like to have something for your money, then please take the time to look at something new to me that I have been working on. It is still in the works and there will be changes made along the way, but by making a purchase from the store in the link I will be able to test the functionality of the site and learn from the experience and be able to support myself. You will have something to remember you helped someone one day and got them further in life because of your support. This link can also be found at the top of the page.
I am not great at asking for help. It has always been important that there is proof of my honesty and independence, and that the two show to be my strongest characteristics so the results of the charismatic and influencing actions and words of my abusers can be overcame.
In order for me to move forward the need from here is word of mouth. I can’t upload it to social media; I can’t take this blog outside of the subscription bubble due to the nature of the content. All I can do is my best. All I can do is ask you for help.
Thank you for reading and discretely sharing. I am grateful for anything and everything you can do to help me.
theartoflife.space 
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