One of the hardest things about moving on is cutting people out of your life that don’t belong there because they only wish you harm. Also not letting people in who have the same characteristics as them. What complicates it even more is having those people being in and using the dark arts. Occultism. It is its own culture and they don’t like people like me sharing. I stayed quite for a long time but their constant reminders being used to scare and intimidate me from leaving quietly with my intentions to never write or talk about it set in motion by their own self proclaimed premonitions they knew would happen. I come from a group of people who truly believe it is okay to act and be on the offensive and attack before their premonitions ever happened. They fool themselves. They allow their dark secrets and sins to rule their lives. They are swollowed up by thier own insecurities.
Then there are the people who see a target, a victim they can manipulate and persuade that I just need to be retrained, taught and or broken in to just sit quietly and behave if you will. That since I am already accustomed to the abuse that I just need a little push to accept my role and place in the occult behavior as there is no way out. To not do so means death.
These are hard times for someone like me. I am not one to celebrate holidays. I sometimes believe if I was raised in a different environment I would be somewhat of a Chrismas fan. Not necessarily a Christian one or feed into the commercialism of it. I would be more interested in all the different cultural practices that make up the Holiday. The why if you will. I sometimes think about how I would decorate my home if I had the energy to do so. I really like white Christmas trees with black ornaments. The really fancy kind. With white lites maybe some red. I think that would be pretty. I never have the money, space or energy but it is what is appealing to my eyes.
This time last year I was so nervous and anxious to set out and leave to start over. It has been almost a year later and I am still dealing with the same issues. People. Ones who think I need to be broken, beaten down based off of rumors or half truths and uncompleted explanations. But how do you describe to unbelievers about the occult and not sound ridiculously crazy and as a person who is seen as not wanting to take responsibility for thier actions. How do you explain some of those actions were not in your control? I don’t think you can. You are just someone who is seen as playing the victim. I hate being a victim. It screams I am an easy target. Broken, vulnerable and able to continue to be abuse. The fact that this culture is so tight and rarely is ever caught is why I have suicidal thoughts at times. In their eyes not conforming and loving that they don’t get caught allowing them to do whatever they feel and get away with it makes me stupid, weak and lacking. It makes me not a survivor. Not a fighter. That I am willingly laying down because I won’t conform to thier culture.
Isn’t that the heart of war, conflict amd hate. Cookie cutter Staford Wives cultures that say survival is dependent upon conforming and not appreciating the diverse personalities that when allowed the correct and appropriate amount of friction that leads to mature progression of cities and countries. The space to be who we are is smothered by territorial right to be ourselves. The lack of ability to get along, compromise and just have utopia slightly out of reach. Tranquility and serenity. It’s a dream we will never achieve because each belief systems says we are right and the only way to happiness is to be what we are.
The Truth is Love. The Word is Truth. Each cultural interpretation and what that looks like is what keeps us in a constant cycle of starting over. Not understanding the one Truth is Love. We can love our families our friends but have failed to understand what Love looks like when we are faced with people and things we are not accustomed to. We all have a way of doing it and our way is the only way. The larger the population and the more diverse the people the tougher the questions of how to make the appropriate and deemed best moral way to live. What laws everyone can live with. The logical being heartless and the compassion to save lives. All this complicated by a thirst for power, commercialism, greed and being the number one ruler whether community, business, country or continental.
That is my problem with religion and early teaching. The need and want for answers to universal questions. The pressure to explain who we are and how we got here. Translations lost over time due to various reasons. Love doesn’t force conformity it teaches and waits with patience. The pressure of population growth and what that brings due to the many individual and personal wiring of the brain. How Science doesn’t just duplicate but grows and evolves to fit its environment. The split of philosophy; the many new ideas and lack of time to appropriately adjust. The splitting off due to conflict of how things should be ran. The creation of several civilization branching and living out their truth. Sometimes when I think about it like this I say to hell with Utopia, the growth even in the so called ugly spots are nothing but beautiful. Even if the rise and fall is a vicious cycle. Why rush?
I hope everyone stays safe for their Winter Holidays. 2023 here we come in all our beautiful conflicts and agruements of how it should be. May it be done better than we have done it in the past. May we not stunt our own growth and be forced to start again.